While My Eyes are Unaware

So I have been having a small problem lately.

My problem is that I feel too controlled by the external influences in my life. Particularly schoolwork. Assignments, projects.

I love being creative; I do. Very much so, in fact. But I feel that it is extremely difficult to complete tasks or projects that I know are necessary for the advancement of my portfolio. Learning and acquiring the necessary skills for this to occur is difficult due to the long hours I commit to completing projects and assignments that will not be beneficial to obtaining an internship in the long run. I am trying to do my best to gear my projects more towards portfolio-quality status, but some of my professors will not let that happen. A large number of my projects are very open-ended, so those I can absolutely gear towards the building of my portfolio and such. But other ones, the more "required" research projects that I have been spending so much time on this semester...these I am frustrated with right now.

I realize the importance of research in my education. I realize that I cannot (essentially) complete any large-scale project without doing a substantial amount of research, but it seems that that is all that I have done this semester. It is true. I do not yet have a single finished portfolio-ready piece that I am proud of yet. I focus so much of my time to research-based projects that I keep finding myself pushing off the most necessary of my assignments. The most important ones that will help me get closer to a job. This is no good.

And this is what I get for going to an Art & Design School at a major research university. I love Michigan, I really do. And I have so so many opportunities here that I would not have anywhere else. I love the diversity here and the groups I'm involved in and such. I love everything. I love that there is always something to do, some production to attend, a meal to attend with friends, a meeting for an organization...I love this all. But I find myself again struggling with my time. This time management is definitely different from last year. I now know what I have to do; what I need to be doing.

And yet, I am not finding enough time to do what I need to be doing. I love my friends so so much, and it makes me sad that I cannot spend as much time with them as I would like. There are so many times that I do not see them, skip football games, back out of plans, etc. because of my workload. Granted, going to football games is not what I "need" to be doing, but the fact that out of the 5 home football games we have had, I have been at 1. Only 1. The 1st 1. We have 2 games left, and I will only go to 1 of those too. Essentially, I spent $200 on 2 football games. This is sad. Technically, I sold one for $30, so I spent $170 on 2 games, but wow. That is not worth it. I really need to reevaluate the importance of buying football tickets next year. It is nice to be in a seating section with your friends, but I am not attached to the team in a way that I feel I "missed out" on anything by not going to the games. In fact, I get a lot of work done on Saturdays in general, but when the dorm is empty and my hall is quiet, I get even more work done.

That was quite a segue. Okay. Back to the time management thing. I have already stopped going to choir practices on Sunday nights. It is just too much for me. I need those two hours of extra time before Mass to complete work. I love singing, but as far as time commitments go, I just can't do it any more. Which makes me very sad. It is such a great group of people and a number of my friends are in it, but there is no way that I can do it. Maybe next semester. This semester for sure, though, I cannot commit. MUSKET takes up two hours on my Sundays now. Becoming the Assistant Marketing Director has taught me so much already about putting on a professional theatrical production. We have a hour (well...will, we haven't met with the Marketing group yet since our schedules are so ridiculously different...hopefully we will in the next couple of weeks) meeting with the Marketing team to discuss ways to market the show, target audiences, promotional events and such. Then there is an hour-long production meeting with the directors, stage managers, costume, set, and lighting designers, etc. The backbone of the show. I really like sitting in on these meetings. I am learning a lot of the "hidden" work and what goes on in order for a show of these proportions to take place.

AAF is now starting up as well. I am not looking to get a leadership role of any sort right now just because my time is so pressed and I know that MUSKET gets priority right now. I committed to MUSKET last winter and to AAF just a couple of weeks ago. I cannot even go to the AAF meetings, however. They are during times when I have class (sad and true) but since the President is in my W&I studio, I get to ask her questions and things when I need to. So that is really fantastic and great.

Whoa. Time flies. I now have to spend time working on a project that won't affect my portfolio. Bummer. Okay.

Im out.